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Quotes tagged with Professor

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Professor: This is Vergon 6. It's a sunny little doomed planet inhabited by a number of frisky little doomed animals.
Leela: Animals?
Professor: That's right. Animals in desperate need of rescue. You see, Vergon 6 was once filled with the super dense substance known as dark matter, each pound of which weights over 10,000 pounds.
Leela: Wait, what about the animals?
Professor: Well dark matter is extremely valuable as starship fuel, that's why it was all mined out leaving the planet completely hollow.
Leela: Yes, but what about the animals?
Professor: The wha?
Leela: The animals?
Professor: I didn't say anything about animals. Now it seems the planet will collapse within 3 days, incidentally this will kill all the animals.

Quote 41

Professor: Well Fry or should I say captain Fry, no I shouldn't because Bender is the new captain.
Fry: Bender?!
Professor: That's right, being captain is about intuition and heart, a good captain can't have either one. That's why cold logical Bender is perfect for the job.
Bender: Well I do think of human life as expendable.

Quote 40

Professor: Yes, yes, yes, you sound like a broken MP3.

Quote 36

[The Planet Express building is covered in armor]
Professor: Bring it on Santa! That blood thirsty cadaver junky can't touch us as long as we're not stupid enough to leave this building.
[Fry, Leela and Bender cheer]
Professor: In a related matter, you'll be delivering this sack of childrens letters directly to Santa at his death fortress on Neptune.
[Fry, Leela and Bender cringe]

Quote 33

[Singing about Santa]
Amy: He knows when you are sleeping.
Professor: He knows when you're on the can.
Leela: He'll hunt you down and blast your ass from here to Pakistan.
Zoidberg: Oh.
Hermes: You better not breathe, you better not move.
Bender: You're better off dead, I'm telling you dude.
Fry: Santa Claus is gunning you down.

Quote 18

Professor: You'll find that every heavenly body has its own particular scent. Here I'll point it at Jupiter.
Fry: Smells like strawberries.
Professor: Exactly. Now Saturn.
Fry: Pineneedles. This is great, as long as you don't make me smell Uranus.
Leela: I don't get it.
Professor: I'm sorry Fry, but astronomers renamed Uranus in 2026 to end that joke once and for all.
Fry: Oh, what's it called now?
Professor: Urectum, here let me locate it for you.

Quote 9

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